14 3 9 15
it looks like I'm stuck in a room. I don't know how I ended up here or why, I am just... here.
The room seems like it was under restoration; cupboards are randomly placed, books are everywhere, and the only clean spot is occupied by a single chair and a well-organized table.
Table and chair
There are a surprisingly huge amount of supplies (non-perishable food, water, etc. in a cupboard, which is next to a wall, fortunately), a rather big bucket, a mechanical pencil, pens, leads, ink cartridges (seemingly hundreds), and dozens of notebooks. It's like someone was to prepare to spend a long time in here. Except for the bucket; even though I haven't known why is that here, it didn't take much time to figure out. Yes, it is for *that*.
You may wonder how I'm able to write this down without any slur of hopeless cry for help. The secret is, I'm done with them.
lon ma pi sona ala la sina ken ala lape pona.
It's hard to sleep well in an unknown place.
5 3 27 15
I can barely sleep. Though I made a pretty good "bunk" out of books (not literally a "bunk"), the lights are always on. All I can do is turning off the little lamp on the table. I know what you're asking: "Why don't you simply turn off the other lamps as well?"
The book bunk, aka the boonk
Well, it's more difficult than it sounds. I tried to find where the power comes from by following the wire of the desk lamp (that is the only visible wire). It goes right into the wall. I don't know how they accomplished it, but around the wire there's no visible space whatsoever, like they had built the wall onto the wire. I wanted to look for switches, but garbage is everywhere. Sometime I shall do some cleaning (or rather organizing) and solve this mystery for good.
pimeja li lawa e ma pi suno ale.
Darkness rules the kingdom of infinite light.
16 3 15 18
today I discovered one important little detail: DO NOT eat or drink too much, unless you want to live like a pig. While I have plentyful of everything, I've got only one bucket and this is a problem. A pretty big one. It's only my second day here (if we don't count that I was painfully yelling "help me" for about five hours after I woke up here), yet the bucket is obviously filling already. I CANNOT let the bucket fill up!
3Fs: Friend, Fear, Foe
Any ideas? What can I do?
sina pake ala la sina lon anpa jaki. toki li pi sina.
You'll be either careful or wallowing in your own shit.
The choice is yours.
3 17 18 19
Status update like things were normal and I... wasn't stuck in a FUCKING ROOM
I think I haven't written about my desk lamp so far. Well, not that it was *that* special or anything. It has two functions: besides the usual one (i.e. producing some light), it also shows numbers in a random order when I push the button on its base.
Luckily my friend's doing well. I've been thinking though: how the hell there is no smell? Maybe my nose got used to it, but that still doesn't explain everything. I'm not aware of any window or vent, and yet I never had any problem with breathing. I can't even guess how much oxygen is in a room like this, but I think I should be feeling something if there was a problem with the (seemingly nonexistent) ventilation.
leko pimeja la kon sin li kama li tawa.
There are refreshing secrets in dark corners.
Restless legs under a low ceiling. Literally
I just realized that my legs are almost always moving. I've got a theory about it: since I'm alone here (am I?), there aren't any sound aside from what I make and, as we know, people go crazy in "deaf rooms". I think somehow my brain have come up with the idea of "Thou shouldst move thy legs for making noise!" I always imagine my brain would use "thou".
One hand away (aka Ireallyshouldhavelearnedtodraw)
I can be wrong though. Oh, and finally I managed to make a wall visible and also I've done some ordering. This wall is about five steps long, shorter than I originally thought. I also tried to measure the height of the room; if I reach my arm above my head, the ceiling is only about one hand away. It seems to be low to me. As far as I know, the ceiling was/is higher in my room... In my *real* room. that's in my apartment. In our apartment...
The more I think of it, the more I'm curious where the door shall be...
mi ken ala sitelen la sina ken ala lukin.
Every drawing's another mystery.
15 03 23 19
Hello, by the way.
All day's hard work finally pays off! I cleared three walls, moved hundreds of books and cupboards, there's only one wall left. There, on this wall, must be a door or a trapdoor or a window. If there isn't, then how did they put me over here?
It must be there
I also tried to read some books, but those words means nothing to me; they are written in a language I don't understand. Or in language*s* that I don't understand.
lupa pimeja li lon monsi pi poki suli.
Hidden doors are behind big shelves.
I was with em
I'm home. E's with me. Something's wrong. I'm flying. E's standing on the ceiling...
I'm scared. I'm not seeing es face. It's really em? I don't know...
I'm moving. Now I'm standing on the ceiling too...
Me with em
E's grabbing my shoulder. E's making me kneel. E's taking off es pants. E's making me scared. I'm flying away...
E's following me. I'm flying to the kitchen. I'm getting a knife...
There's blood on my hands. E's lying on the ceiling. E's not moving now...
My head's killing me. The knife's levitating. I'm moving towards it...
I cannot stop.
jan ala li ken lawa e sitelen lape.
3 21 20 02
I've found it. I mean this time I've really found it. I can see it, I can touch it, I can smell it. And the padlock as well.
I am locked. Literally.
I gotta find the key, I guess. This door is interesting though. Whoever made this room, they made it sure that every wire goes right through the walls or the ceiling perfectly, and as I see, the door is perfectly aligned with the wall. There are no gaps or any kind of imperfections whatsoever.
Moving that cupboard though... I'm tired. I am very tired. It's filled with books. All I want is to sleep now.
lupa li ken pake. taso ilo pake li pake mute.
The door is open, and yet I can't go through it.
12 21 03 04
A pleasant surprise. At first.
I was trying to find a book that I might understand, when a paper fell out of one of them. Whoever wrote it, someone did a good job with hiding every crucial detail. I was so happy at first, but then I started to read it and... I better just copy it as is.
Wans yu got hier, yu wont bi enihwer els. Pripeer, cøz yul daist hier. Þers no oðer wæi. Am øwer ov et liist fav oðørs bifor mi. Am skerd. A dont wanna da. Bat hwat cen a du? Pliis if yu can fand ma bodi en tec it bek to ma maa. Yul faynd hør in [...] ov [...]. Hø neim iz [...]. A hop yul mec it aut a hier.
[...] wiþ lav.
It just... It frightens me. The thought is enough that there was someone before me. I mean there were *others* before me. Or weren't? Maybe they took the book from somewhere else and put it here. Which would mean... I don't wanna know. Thing is, someone censored it. This. Is. A. Fact. Fuck it... I should feel something, right? And yet I fell... nothing. What the fuck is wrong with me?!
As I was thinking about it, this occured to me: there may or may not be corpses near me. Perhaps this is all a big puzzle that I have to solve to get out of here. I do not know. Now I'm skerd too. Or not. I don't know anymore. I think this letter would have had more effect on me if I haven't read it about a hundred times already. Or if I haven't waited for hours before finishing this one.
sitelen pi jan ante li pona ike.
Every writing's got its own secrets.
22 14 02 3
I was thinking about that letter. A lot. This whole situation doesn't feel real. I am here, I eat, I sleep, I shit, but it's like a weird status quo by now, rather than a real threat where I don't even know where I am, only consuming, processing and eliminating food of unknown origin. Is it even real?
Or is it only a dream?
So, instead of getting crazy (crazier?), I'm trying to find something to open the door, whether that is a key, a crowbar, or anything else. While I'm looking for that something, I started putting the books onto shelves and double-check the cupboards, drawers, etc. for accidentally skipped hidden spaces and false bottoms.
ijo pimeja li ken ala lon ma pi suno ale.
Secrets may not be revealed.
2 03 23 20
I have written about the air vent before. I wanted to upen it since I've founded it days ago, but I... forgot it. I was organizing and clearing, let alone reading that letter... Anyway, today I finally opened it and... long story short, I'm doomed.
The air vent
Now the long story long: After I built a climbable pile of books and opened the vent, I found a paper, folded in half, and a key along with a label attached to it, saying 'R#4'. I'm only guessing, but that 'R' probably stands for 'room', and thus it means 'room number four'. So there are other rooms as well (which is unsettling to say the least) and I might not be alone. Although I hope I will not meet the writer of this...
Ai cænnt doo ðis ænimor. Ai em hiør forr mor ðænn ø uik nåu. Ai hædd inaff. Ai wan too end ðis. Ðeers no room forr mæi laiff. But iff ðer wyldønt bi ø råpp ai wyldønt nåu wut aid doo...
Ai hop såmwan wil fåund ðis lettur. Aima dråp ðis dåun ði ær vent ølång uiþ æ kiy ai fand in enåðr vent. It dåsnt anlåkk mæi låkks, bat it mei uill yårs.. Ai hop ðiz gå þru ål ðe wæi ænd it endz ap såmwer. Good bæi end if iur in ðis sityuæsjøn too, good lakk.
It may not be long, but it's so much more ... than the other one. And it is not censored, it's got a name! Too bad I don't know anything more about her... him... em. About em.
At least this whole thing gave me an idea: what if I'll find a vent or something that I can drop my messages into? I should collect my notes and organize my diary. Perhaps one day someone will find 'em...
PS: the key isn't for my lock.
kon sin li pona. taso nasin kon li ike tawa mi.
Vents can provide much more than only air.
24 15 3 3
Nothing special, just bein' in a room
I'm just being here, nothing's happening, unless I do something.
What could I do anyway? Solving this "mystery" for good? It sounds fine for sure, but I cannot have a "big revelation" every day.
I don't have anything else to say.
tenpo suno pi mute lili la ala li lon.
There are days when just nothing happens.
Nobody's here. I'm... alone. I'm alone. I am alone. I *am* alone.
What I'm gonna do? Why am I here? What have I done? I can't remember. I was at home. I was with em. I WAS WITH EM. I miss em. I love... I may love em. I may not. I don't know. I know nothing... but I wanna go home. I wanna be with my friends. I wanna be with em. But I don't remember to em.
Two days ago I dreamed about em, but e had no face. Am I crazy? I don't know anymore... And that letter... There's a good change that there's a corpse closer to me than I'd like. Even if there's another... I'm alone. And e's dead. I'm alone... And I CANNOT change it.
I'm alone. Imma die alone. And there won't be anyone who finds my letters. I'm alone. And none will know. None will know. None will know. None will know that I'm alone. I'm alone. I cannot change it. None will know. None will see my corpse. I'm alone and Imma die alone.
I wanna be with em again. I wanna feel es kiss on my lips, on my hands, on my neck... I will never again. I'm alone. And e's... I DON'T KNOW. What happened? How've I got here? Have I done something? Who was I? Just a nothing, last piece of shit that wasn't even recognized as a human being. What's with em? Is e alright? What happened to em? What happened to *me*? Why is this happening? Why am I alone? Why? I'm alone and I don't know why. I'm alone. And it will never change. I am alone. And no one shall see.
tenpo kama la mi kama nasa ala. tenpo pini la mi kama nasa. tenpo ni la mi nasa.
17 3 17 25
No keys will be found
I was looking for the key, when I realized, I won't find it. I've been looking for it for days now. So why should I be looking for a key, which isn't even here?
I have to find alternatives: bashing through the door, picking the lock, or cutting through the wall with a pen, thus I can leave this *motha' fuckin' room*. I've already had enough of it.
These "plans" aren't rational though. What have I got? Only books, the furniture, the supplies and that rope. No more, no less, only these. I am tired. It's time to sleep a bit.
sina ken lukin e ijo pimeja lon poki pi sona ala.
In the end, there's always a sleep. Only its long is unknown.
No one's home. I'm home. I'm alone here too...
It's peaceful. I'm making breakfast. Or it's dinner already? I don't know...
I feel the fresh bread's crispy crust on my hands. I feel it in my mouth. But it has no smell and has no taste...
I'm making a sandwich out of tasteles ingredients. I'm going to my room. As I'm walking I'm seeing a shadow from the corner of my eye. Was it the cat? I'm turning away. Nothing's there...
I'm in my room. I'm putting down the plate. I'm looking out of the window. The drapes are closed. I'm opening them...
There's night out there and a disturbingly human-like silhouette right in front of me...
kon pimeja li tawa lon tomo pimeja.
26 03 3 14
What the hell was it?
I've sweat through my clothes tonight. What the fuck was that?
You know what? Fuck it. I have more urgent things to do than analyzing my fucked up dreams, goddammit... I have to figure out how to get through that door. Sadly I'm still in need of a good idea.
Maybe if I could go through the door literally...
I barely eat. Not that I'd have a good appetite here, but the bucket's simply gonna be full soon, sooner than I'd like. I think I have about three days before the shit literally overflows. I even thought about drinking uring... I've read that it shouldn't cause problems (as long as its my own), but I can't bear its taste. Plus it's salty, so there's that as well.
mi wile moku e telo jelo. taso mi wile ala.
Sometimes you think you're in shit. But sometimes you are,
in fact, in shit.
"Home, sweet home"
It's looking at me. I'm closing the drapes. I'm closing the doors. I'm starting to eat...
I see my cat jumping on the bed. She's only a shadown and two glowing eyes that are watching me. Or behind me? I'm turning around: it's there...
I'm running to the window. I'm opening the drapes. It's there...
Who is it?
I'm turning around once again. I'm unlocking and opening the door. I'm running to the front door. As I'm walking I see the cat running to there too. She's running through the door. I'm opening the door. It's there...
I'm calling it a hopeless run. Yet I'm doing it. I'm getting into my room. It's there. It's sanding. It's starting to walk towards me. I cannot move. I feel something cold as it's walking through me...
Everything's becoming dark...
kon pimeja li tawa la kon mi li ala.
2 27 18 3
I'VE HAD ENOUGH
When I woke up what did I see? An empty bucket, lying, its content (what was still within) is leaking, and the odor... It was strong. Unavoidable. Shite. Well, it's shit after all.... And let's not even mention those dreams.
I just want to end this. End this all. Not worrying about shit or supplies or reasons. I grabbed the rope and start tying. They call it the "hangman's knot"... what a funny, perfect name.
It's time for the rehearsal
As I was tying, a certain feeling got me. This tranquility, this peace is indescribable. I can't put it into words, it's like floating above the earth, nothing can harm me, everything is nice and nothing hurts anymore. No language is able to express this kind or level of calm.
And that's it. I made up my mind. No more mystery. No more misery. And since this is my last letter, all I wanna say is:
15 20 03 28
The day after I've had enough
I'm here and it all set up. I was ready to do what I already prepared to do, but right after writing that letter I saw that one of the cupboard's leg is bent inwards. And I had a rope...
When everything has changed
I had a rope. I had a padlock and I had an eye (or whatever they call it, that hook that holds the lock), both are somewhat "oversized". Luckily there was enough space to put a few strands of the rope through them. Though the strands were thin, they looked strong enough. All I had to do is to pull really hard. I failed.
I panicked, "what if it won't work?" It did not, but nevertheless, I felt that it loosened a bit; even if it's very unlikely, it gave me the will to continue. All I needed is more power.
There was a cupboard behind me. The rope was long enough, I was able to wrap it around the cupboard, that I'd filled with books. After these, it was just a simple push. Nothing, but a push. The cupboard landed with a huge and terrible noise, nothing like I've heard before, and the ring was gone. It actually tore a part out of the door as well! Yet, I was afraid: I haven't got the courage to go through the door. Tonight I'll sleep with my back on the door and tomorrow... Well, we'll see.
wawa mute la sina ken pali e ale.
May the force have been with me.
3 14 29 19
it was only one step. One little step. How can this be such a game changer? Everything has changed when I woke up in that room and yet, since that day, everything became constant. I was there, I lived and survived apparently, but what for? For a toilet? For water? For even more questions? As I'm writing these down, it looks more and more like a pretty good deal (definitely better than it was).
There was a whole new world in front of me: there's a kitchen across the room. The first thing I saw was a sink. And I had to try. And I cried. I was so happy that I cried. It was water. Fresh water. Cold and water. WATERRR!
Taking a shower. Finally. And yes, I'm naked.
I was so excited, I didn't think, just ran into every room and finally, it was there: the bathroom. Everything I needed: a sink, a toilet (that I used immediately, since I was so excited that I almost wet myself) and a shower. An old, rusty, ugly, scaled, functioning shower. The water's cold, cold as the frozen hell during winter, but I didn't care. I didn't give a fuck. I had to use it at *any* cost.
Now I'm waiting, because I am soaked and cold and I may (surely) get the cold, but my only thought is "totally worth it".
ken la tenpo pini la mi wile lukin e tomo ante kin.
I wonder if this really worth it
Just a little zip.
I think I managed not to get the cold. I guess so. I hope so.
Today I was exploring this apartment and I've hit the jackpot! By hit I mean found, and by jackpot, I mean booze! And food. This was a good day. Besides the cleaning, ordering and trying to figure out what that table says next to the front door (i.e. the door that might be the front door; it's closed, so changes are pretty good), this was a good day.
I tried to decipher this weird writing, but I had to focus on more important things: this Scotch is really good. Maybe only the alcohol makes me say this, but I fell like I'd be a little smelly... Which is weird, since I just showered the other day.
tenpo kama la lawa mi li pakala. kin ala mi wile pona e len mi.
Tomorrow's laundry day! Also, hangover day.
I should eat, I should sleep, I should not be thinking of bad things. I overthink and overanalyze everything, am I not? I definitely do. I DO. Do NOT be questioning me! Do you understand?!
Ghosts are haunting me. First e, then this... something, my cat, and a knife... the knife that's been there, it's always there, why is it there? I don't understand. Please end these dreams, I don't wanna see them, I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna em... I don't wanna see em... not there. If that knife were here now...
This should be it...
I could not bear it anymore. I could not be here anymore. I am aware of the fact that I probably made a mistake by doing... well, this, but I don't see any other way out. If I am right, then I made the good thing. If I am wrong, then I'm only another idiot ending it all.
Anyway, that should be it.
Yupp, I'm drunk. Just a little bit. I think. Funny that I wanted ot kil myselves. Everything is so nice right now, liek I was levitatin and the white walls wernet white anymore. I see 10 fingers on min hand, is it nrmal? Oh, I'm so happy. And clean. I'm clean. That's god. I love this feelin. I'm glad I wasn't fool enouf to do *that*. Yeha, I'm deffinitely am.
mi wile sona e ni: jan seme li lon e ilo pake?